That entire afternoon, Bai Xing couldn't focus on her classes at all.
Her haggard little face, which had been pale and sickly when she arrived, turned entirely flushed by the time class ended.
Even when the bell rang, she still couldn't calm down from the overwhelming turmoil in her heart.
"What... what was he even saying...?"
Directly telling a junior that he liked watching VTBs, that he liked Ritsuki Rina, and even speaking about it as if he were gachi...
What was going on with him!?
Did he really like Ritsuki Rina that much?
Could he really recommend her to others and openly declare himself her one-push in front of the opposite sex??
Wasn't that just like confessing???
"Could it be that he's really obsessed with 'me'..."
"But... but I was already fired last night..."
Bai Xing was utterly distressed, agonizing over this for the entire class.
As someone guessed, ever since her stream ended, her QQ and work social media accounts had been flooded with messages.
Fan inquiries, pervert harassment, colleague snarking, and the director's cold smirks...
All of it pushed her to the edge of a cliff.
In the end, the guild leader left a message saying: "You don't need to stream anymore. Don't even think about getting paid for the previous sessions. We don't need you at Xsoul Guild anymore. I won't reclaim the Ritsuki Rina account, but you can't use it privately for three years. Otherwise, I'll send you a lawyer's letter according to the electronic contract, got it?"
...
Admittedly, the guild she was in wasn't as "exploitative" as others, at least they left her with a skin, albeit frozen for a while.
Objectively speaking, the punishment wasn't severe. She wasn't fined tens of thousands of dollars, and the admin didn't pursue any further accountability.
At most, it temporarily cut off her income, forcing her into a "semi-graduation."
But after thinking it over all night, she believed that although she had lost her job, her skills were still there. There was still hope to rise again.
After all, talent doesn't lie.
If she was willing to put in more effort, overcome all the challenges like planning, copywriting, illustrations, modeling, operations, promotion, editing, and audio post-production, and "reincarnate" with a new skin, there was still a slim chance to make the VTB career work.
"Ah..."
That said, aside from streaming, she couldn't do anything else. If she really had to learn all those skills from scratch...
She might die before her grandmother.
"No, no, no!"
The girl shook her head forcefully, calming down and setting aside other difficulties for now.
The only problem now was...
The senior she liked, Lu Qing, liked Ritsuki Rina, who was no longer her.
What should she do!!
She had Rina-chan's skin in her hands, but due to the contract, she couldn't use it. Not even a stop-streaming notice was allowed, so she couldn't tell the fans still waiting patiently not to wait anymore.
Senior Lu was one of them!
"He... he likes me so much, but I can't tell him I'm the person behind Ritsuki Rina... No, I'm not anymore. I can't tell the truth! Otherwise, how could we ever meet again? If he finds out I was deliberately leading him to confess to Rina-chan, he'd be so embarrassed he'd never want to talk to me again! He'd hate me, wouldn't he?! That can't happen..."
The girl buried her flushed face in her arms on the desk, rubbing it back and forth.
How stupid of me. If I had known I'd hear all this today, I should have put on makeup and dressed up nicely before coming. Otherwise, if Senior Lu ever finds out the real me isn't as cute as Ritsuki Rina in the 2D world, wouldn't that create a gap? Even if I tell him I'm Rina, he wouldn't believe me, would he?
He'd be disappointed? Think... I don't match his perfect image at all?
He'd think I'm terrible, think I'm manipulative, deliberately saying such things to embarrass him... Ahh, and why am I so lazy? It's just that I didn't sleep, why didn't I think to manage my image better in front of him, ahhh, wah..."
Bai Xing's mind had completely collapsed. She didn't even know what she was thinking, let alone how to face Lu Qing.
A messy career, the looming threat of failing classes, new skills she had no idea how to start, and a hospital bill waiting to swallow a massive amount of money...
Now, there was one more thing added to the list—
Hearing something she absolutely shouldn't have heard from someone important, and with absolutely no mental preparation.
Ah...
Destroy me.
I'm done for.
The girl's gaze was vacant, her pupils unfocused.
"The more Senior Lu likes Ritsuki Rina, the less worthy I am to be with him."
"I don't even have the qualification to pretend to be Rina-chan anymore. I have nothing, nothing at all."
"I'm so worthless."
She closed her eyes, murmuring to herself.
"Wait."
The coat he asked me to bring back... I think I forgot it.
I just said I would bring it out, but I forgot in a hurry.
Am I stupid? No, childhood dementia? Forgetfulness? How could I forget something so important, especially after being specifically reminded?
Ha.
Haha.
Something so obvious, he must have already noticed by now.
That's why he kept writing quietly the entire class without paying attention to me, right?
I probably look like one of those girls who borrow things and don't want to return them, coveting his warmth, wanting to get something luxurious that doesn't belong to me.
I was clinging to him before... Oh, the homework on Friday, forcing him to work with me, must have been a nuisance to him.
He agreed to work with me probably reluctantly, afraid I'd say something weird to his sister and embarrass him, right? After all, he clearly finds me annoying, avoids me whenever he can, how could he possibly have feelings for me.
So when I asked to buy breakfast together last time, he probably agreed to go downstairs just to avoid making me unhappy, right?
Lending me his coat was the same.
Buying me food was the same.
He hates me.
He's just afraid of being entangled by me.
"Forget it, I'll move next month."
The girl's gaze darkened.
I have no money.
I also can't manage to do everything on my own.
"I'm a useless waste, I can't even afford to treat grandma's illness."
"I can't even keep the only family I have left."
"I can't do anything."
A huge sense of disconnection tore at the girl's heart—on one side, Lu Qing's obsession with Ritsuki Rina, and on the other, her own insignificance and helplessness in real life.
Memories of her childhood flashed in her mind—her grandma buying her candy, carrying her on her back to the broken temple in the countryside to burn incense and pray. She remembered the words her grandma prayed with—
【Goddess, please let this old woman live another ten years. These past two years, my legs have been getting worse, my head feels heavy all the time, I just want to sleep all day. I don't know what's happening. Oh, you see, Xing'er hasn't grown up yet, she's been through so much, no father, no mother, you can't take me away so soon, or what will happen to this child? Goddess, I'm kneeling to you, please bless me, Goddess, please bless me.】
The image of the elderly woman kneeling and bowing, praying devoutly to the dusty ancient Buddha, was etched in her memory.
Every sleepless night, the girl would think of these and curl up in bed, crying uncontrollably.
She clearly remembered how her grandma, for her sake, rented out the few acres of land allocated by the production team, using the extremely limited income to support her through middle school and into the high school in the city.
She also took out the savings she had accumulated over two or three decades, claiming she wanted to let her study at a "college she wouldn't regret" in her "best years," even if the tuition was a bit expensive.
After all, the old woman believed that education was the only way to make the child's life better.
That was why she dared to make up her mind to fill out a college application in her senior year, choosing a school that, no matter how you looked at it, was pretty good—Tianhai City Arts University.
During her three years of high school, the girl used her spare time to desperately teach herself dubbing skills.
Because she was well aware that she wasn't as smart as many others, she had to rely on hard work to make up for it. Only when she could comfortably make a living through this skill would she truly alleviate the pressure on her grandmother.
She fantasized about being able to look like a modern college girl when the semester started, just like the others.
To this end, she sacrificed a lot of sleep and made efforts that most people couldn't imagine.
Finally, in the second semester of her sophomore year, she began to make progress in her voice acting career.
She started by voicing radio dramas, novel dialogues, and short video narrations...
Then she moved on to voicing animations, micro-films, and Chinese comics—
Eventually, she landed voice acting gigs for games, including full dialogue requirements for a core female character in a major online game.
Her part-time jobs were often paid per sentence, ranging from 10 yuan to over a hundred yuan per sentence, which helped her save a decent amount of money. She believed she could now finish her university education without having to take on part-time jobs during the school year that might interfere with her studies.
However, not long after, her grandmother fell seriously ill.
The person who had once shielded her from the storms could no longer respond clearly to her calls.
It was probably around that time that the girl finally understood what adults meant by "growing up."
In a single night, the world seemed to change its colors.
From vibrant to monochrome, it took only a moment.
The enormous medical expenses, the doctor's sympathetic gaze, her initial helpless crying, and then the later determination to push her potential to the limit, searching for anything that might give her a chance to make big money—
Eventually, her gaze fell on the VTB (Virtual YouTuber) scene.
"Ah..."
"Now, everything is ruined."
Bai Xing was inconsolable, her tears having soaked through the sleeve of her sweater without her even noticing.
She sat there like that for who knows how long.
Suddenly, someone gently patted her on the shoulder.
"Bai Xing."
"..."
She wiped her eyes forcefully and turned her head to reveal half of her face.
Trying to act normal, she replied, "Huh?"
"Want to head home with me?"
Lu Qing was still seated beside her, already packed and waiting for some time.
"The bell rang 20 minutes ago, and all the students are gone. What are you still brooding over here? Did you really get a fever or something?"
He asked, carrying his bag and a notebook, looking annoyingly carefree.
"I... I forgot to bring your clothes over."
Bai Xing pursed her lips tightly, grasping for something to say.
"Ah, so that's why you're crying? Don't worry, I won't bite you. If you like that jacket, you can keep it. I have plenty of other coats."
Lu Qing shrugged and turned around, annoyingly saying, "If you don't leave now, I'm leaving. You can sleep here by yourself."
"Wait! I'm coming, I'm coming."
Like a faint light in the deep sea, she instinctively reached out her cold hand and grabbed his sleeve.
"..."
Every time.
Every time it was like this.
The sudden warmth, the unintentional care, would overturn all her previous thoughts.
She would be like a spellbound person, completely drawn in.
Who was really the one who had lost their mind?
—It was her, wasn't it?
Bai Xing, still wiping her tears, followed behind him, her mind hazy.
In the corridor, on the campus, on the streets outside the school, in the subway station's waiting hall.
All sorts of gazes from different directions treated the two as a couple.
But in Bai Xing's eyes, what she experienced today was not that.
It was—
The feeling of Su Ling.
...
Holding onto his sleeve and following him forward.
She didn't need to look at the surroundings or watch her steps.
Just being led by him, reducing the distance between them to zero.
In this way, she could experience the feeling of being a sister.
The feeling of being cared for, of being a sister.
She couldn't remember how she ended up on the subway with him.
In the chaos, all she remembered was that he protected her in front of him, using his arms to create a corner in the suffocatingly crowded space during rush hour, allowing her to stay in that small space without being pushed or jostled.
Normally, she didn't get such treatment.
Not only did she have to be constantly on guard against pickpockets, but she also had to dress conservatively to minimize the unwanted gazes of others.
Living alone was really tough.
Being taken care of like this was probably the true source of happiness.
Bai Xing's tired but beautiful face showed a look of longing, but this longing almost instantly turned into sadness.
Every time she imagined being cared for by him, she would suddenly think of that girl.
"Her."
Perhaps, she was cuter than herself.
Better at being coquettish.
More understanding of what he wanted.
More aware of his needs.
She lived in his house.
Or perhaps in his arms.
And herself, she could only hold onto this rare act of charity,
Breathing in the limited air that could only be enjoyed during these short thirty minutes of the journey.
"Bai Xing."
"Hmm?"
Her half-lidded eyes slightly opened a crack as she glanced at him.
"You just mentioned that you think VTBs can make money, so you also want to try it, right?"
"Yes... Yes, but I..."
Her expression stiffened, and she turned her head away, avoiding the topic.
"Hey."
Lu Qing sighed as if in resignation, "Let me tell you something."
"Okay."
"You know, among all the girls—no, all the women I know, you're the most mysterious one." he said.
"Mysterious? Me...? Where am I mysterious?"
"Hah, you deny it. I just feel like I can never guess what you're thinking, never figure out what you want."
As Lu Qing spoke, he suddenly leaned in slightly, directly looking into her eyes.
"!!!"
This distance was dangerous.
"Listen, what are you hesitating for? If you want to try something new, just go for it. You won't know if you can make money or succeed unless you try. Besides, I've been looking for a way to gain some experience in planning. If you're up for it, I can help you with all the planning, all the scripts, all the dialogue, even the comments you need to post as a 'shill' in the live chat.
Also, I know a great illustrator who can handle the character design and even create Live2D models. As for editing and post-production, I've done that too, and I've even dabbled in music, with over a hundred gigabytes of sound effect packs.
Now, all you have to do is say yes, and we can collaborate, try to push your new VTB to the top, even to the level of my favorite Rina-chan. Of course, I'm not doing this for free, you know. Since I'm putting in so much effort, I'll take a 15% cut of your gift income—a bit cheaper than the usual guild commission, right?"
By this point, Bai Xing's expression had completely lost control.
Her sweet little mouth, hidden behind her mask, slightly opened, and her already red eyes had beautiful spirals rippling in her pupils—
Her heart murmured, repeating thousands of times:
To... to collaborate with the senior...
To run a new VTB together...
To surpass Rina-chan...
Ah...
Me...
Am I... dreaming again...?
...
...