Feeding

"Wow, what a feast..."

Standing in the doorway of the bathroom, Su Ling was a bit taken aback by the sight of the steaming cucumber and egg soup, fried bacon and ham, and pork bone and beef brisket noodles laid out on the table in front of her. Her arms were wrapped around a towel, and she paused in the act of drying her hair.

The clock on the wall now pointed to two in the morning. Lu Qing stood by the dining table, having already set out the bowls and chopsticks for her.

"I didn't have a chance to ask about your preferences earlier, so I didn't know if you had any dietary restrictions. So, I just made some late-night snacks. Oh, and the brisket was leftover from the day, so I hope you don't mind." He said.

Having always lived in rented apartments, cooking had become a necessary skill. After all, ordering takeout every day was far from clean, and the nutrition was certainly not balanced.

So, with a try-it-out attitude, he had gradually evolved from a novice in stewing to a seasoned hand in frying and stir-frying. If it weren't so late, he might have even prepared a full-course meal for his sister.

"Mm-hmm, I'm not picky. I can eat anything my brother makes."

Su Ling's eyes lit up, and she quickly dried her half-wet hair a few more times before sitting down in her white nightdress.

Her nightdress was a thin lace slip, reaching only to the top of her thighs. Sitting down almost inevitably led to a wardrobe malfunction, but as long as one didn't look under the table, it should be fine.

This put Lu Qing under considerable pressure.

Come to think of it, he hadn't had the chance to observe her closely before. Now, with the girl sitting directly across from him, freshly out of the bath, he realized...

She was a bit too pretty, wasn't she?

Her delicate face was as pure as that of an angel who had never known the world. Her smooth skin was so tender it seemed it could be broken by a mere touch, and just by looking at it, one could imagine how wonderful it would feel.

Her chest, slightly raised under the nightdress even in a slouching posture, was unexpectedly large for her age, something not to be underestimated.

Her long, black hair cascaded over her fragrant shoulders, reaching down to her back, glistening beautifully under the care of her hair conditioner.

Most remarkable of all, her body was like a work of art, without a single superfluous inch. Her legs were as slender as those in a manga, and her waist as slim as an A4 paper.

The only flaw, if it could be called that, was the pale complexion that came from long-term malnutrition.

Lu Qing's heart ached as he thought, "A girl is truly a creation of the gods. Since Dad entrusted her to me, I must protect her well. The hard days should end here. From now on, I must make her life vibrant again."

"Brother, what are you looking at? Aren't you eating?"

Noticing his gaze, Su Ling tilted her head slightly, a bit concerned.

"Ah, nothing. I've already eaten earlier, so you go ahead and eat while it's hot."

He snapped back to reality, smiled, and shifted his gaze away from her face.

Su Ling nodded thoughtfully and picked up her chopsticks, "Then, I'll start."

"Alright."

In the quiet apartment, the young man and woman sat facing each other.

Perhaps because her brother was watching her intently, Su Ling's eating posture was a bit unnatural, taking small bites and eating very little. She finished just half a bowl of noodles and a few sips of soup.

Although a bit unexpected, it was clear that her stomach, having long been accustomed to not having enough to eat, had shrunk. Even if given more food, she wouldn't be able to finish it all.

"I'm sorry, brother, I can't eat anymore."

A little while later, she put down her chopsticks, speaking with some reserve.

"It's okay, it's okay. I wasn't sure about your appetite, so I made a bit too much." He poured her a glass of orange juice and was about to clear the dishes and wash them.

But then she suddenly said, "But wasting is not good..."

"Ah?"

Lu Qing didn't quite catch what she meant.

Considering there wasn't much left, he figured it was fine to throw it away. After all, leftover noodles and soup couldn't be kept until tomorrow; that wouldn't be healthy.

To his surprise, Su Ling pointed to her used bowl and chopsticks, tentatively suggesting,

"Brother, could you eat the rest?"

"......???"

This time, he seemed to understand.

Or maybe not.

After hesitating for a few seconds, he was about to speak but stopped.

"Well... I guess it's not a problem. I'm actually a bit hungry too."

After all, it was his sister's request, the only one she had made apart from staying over. As her brother, how could he not fulfill it?

If he just threw the food away, wouldn't that indirectly mean she had wasted food, planting a seed of guilt in her heart?

Was that appropriate?

No, it wasn't.

So, he put down the bowl and chopsticks again, intending to get another pair and finish the leftover food.

But then she suddenly stood up and tugged at his sleeve.

"Huh?"

Lu Qing was a bit startled.

"Brother, I want to tell you something. Can you sit down and listen to me while eating?"

Her voice was weak, like a frightened kitten just comforted by its owner.

In such a state, no matter what request she made, Lu Qing would instinctively agree. After all, in this world, she could only rely on him.

"Sure."

Realizing it might be something important, he sat down and, following her request, ate the remaining food while listening to her words.

"You asked me before if I should still be in school."

"Mm-hmm."

"In fact, I am indeed in university. It's Senyue Women's Academy, a preparatory school for studying abroad. But I'm currently on sick leave, recuperating."

"Oh? Sick leave?"

Hearing this, Lu Qing was puzzled. "Wait, Senyue Women's Academy... Isn't that a prestigious school? Did Auntie have that kind of money?"

"No, it's because when Mom was with the previous man, he promised to send me to the best higher education institution in Tianhai City... It was a deal between them."

Su Ling pursed her lips tightly, her expression conflicted.

"Ouch."

With such a wealth of information, Lu Qing realized that Auntie might have found another man after breaking up with Dad. This man was probably quite wealthy or had significant background, enough to get Su Ling into the best higher education institution.

"So, what's the situation between her and your... stepfather now?" He asked.

Su Ling thought for a moment, not very sure,

"I'm not clear either, as I haven't received any letters from Mom in a long time. She bought me a phone but never contacts me with it. Instead, she writes down what she wants to tell me on a small piece of paper and slips it under the door, waiting for me to pick it up when I get home from school."

She pointed to the cigarette box note on the table, "I guess there are some issues between her and that man, as she hasn't sent me any living expenses for half a year... The money I've been spending is from the previous living expenses I saved. I know that every bit I use is one less, so I don't eat much."

"......"

"Mom has mentioned to me before that she might have to go abroad 'on the line' in a desperate situation. I don't know what that means, maybe it's working illegally. But anyway, she said that if she could find a decent man outside, she would, and if not, she would try to make some money and send it back..."

Hearing this, Lu Qing understood a bit.

"So, the 'your dad is dead' on the cigarette box probably doesn't refer to Dad, but this later stepfather..."

He pondered, feeling that the situation was not as simple as it seemed.

From Su Ling's words, it was clear that Auntie's actions were all centered around her daughter, whether it was relying on a wealthy man or planning to work abroad later.

Leaving Su Ling with him was probably the last resort, otherwise, why not contact Dad directly?

"Hmm..."

On second thought, Dad had almost ended up in prison for writing pornographic novels before. Leaving her with him... was indeed not as good as leaving her with himself. Hmm.

Just then, Su Ling continued, "I know my future is completely hopeless, and there's no chance of finishing university... My life at school... isn't going well either."

I persisted with school for a while, taking care of myself... but later, it really, really became exhausting and difficult.

I had no friends, no one to confide in. Those who approached me were all people of the opposite sex with obvious intentions, which I didn't like.

So gradually, I couldn't hold on anymore. I took a leave of absence from school."

"..."

"I rested at home for a while, and slowly I began to notice that my emotions and mental state were becoming abnormal. These abnormalities seriously affected my life—

For instance, I didn't want to see people or go outside, I just wanted to stay at home, curled up in bed.

As my savings kept decreasing, I would sometimes fall into depression, becoming extremely negative. In severe cases, I would experience headaches and blurred vision.

I suffered from chronic insomnia, occasionally felt panicked, experienced rapid heartbeat and palpitations... And recently, I've found myself becoming increasingly anxious about everything, losing focus, always distracted... This has led to me being unable to do anything properly.

I began avoiding contact with strangers, even essential tasks like buying food became huge obstacles.

I started fearing noisy places and dreading bright sunlight.

I finally realized that I was experiencing cognitive difficulties.

Until I went to see a doctor."

Lu Qing drew in a sharp breath, having a vague idea of what was coming.

Sure enough, his sister continued:

"After the doctor examined me and looked at my test results, they confidently diagnosed me with 'severe anxiety and depression,' saying I needed long-term psychiatric medication to gradually control it... As for recovery, without changing my current life situation, there was no possibility at all."

Just as he thought.

Lu Qing's heart tightened as he looked up at his sister.

He had heard about anxiety and depression:

Mild cases were just in an 'anxious state' or 'depressed state' and could be improved through self-regulation, but moderate to severe cases required medication for suppression. Only those who had truly experienced such illnesses would understand that patients in severe conditions often don't believe they're sick...

Little do they know, this group has already been blinded by their distorted cognitive dysfunction, just like how mental patients never think there's anything wrong with them.

Generally speaking, the side effects of long-term psychiatric medication are extremely severe, ranging from mild dizziness and nausea to severe vomiting and fainting, even breathing difficulties and organ failure. So had his sister been enduring such torment all this time?

Lu Qing's brow gradually furrowed.

"Um... so, brother, I... I'm telling you all this because I want you to know that I'm not perfect, I'm broken, whether it's my previous life or my mental world, everything has become a mess.

If someone like me, someone who can't do anything right, carelessly walks into your life... won't you find it troublesome?

Won't I become a burden to you?

I don't want you to end up hating me after some time, I don't want to make your life worse. If that's going to happen, I'd rather leave right now."

Su Ling gathered her courage and honestly spoke about herself.

Her words were filled with truth, without falsehood or exaggeration.

After all, the examination reports from the top-tier hospital's psychiatric department were quietly lying in her backpack, with jumping red and blue data points, almost none of which met the standard criteria.

The EEG tests had already shown her neurotransmitter disorder, severely lacking serotonin which regulates the emotional system.

The loss of this secretion directly leads to long-term depression in daily life, rarely smiling, unable to feel happy about anything.

Though Lu Qing couldn't fully empathize, he could somewhat understand that his sister's suffering far exceeded his previous imagination.

"Are you taking your medication regularly?"

He looked into her eyes and asked seriously.

"Yes, I am. Twice a day, and it makes me feel nauseous."

"So that's why you can't eat properly."

He took a deep breath and finished the bowl of soup in one go.

"...Yes."

Su Ling nodded, quietly observing the angle at which he used the soup bowl.

Thinking to herself—

That was where she had just put her lips, her brother's lips had touched the same spot, how nice.

Just like how he didn't mind using the chopsticks she had used and eating the food she had eaten, it was reassuring.

Lu Qing was unaware that her psychological state had become so distorted. After finishing all the food, he took a big gulp of orange juice and turned his gaze back to his sister's eyes, saying solemnly:

"Su Ling, I'll say it again, since auntie has entrusted you entirely to me, just let go of everything and live here with me.

Whether it's taking a break from school or dealing with illness, no matter what, I won't look down on you, won't abandon you. Instead, I'll do everything I can to help you solve these problems. We have to face difficulties and obstacles eventually, right?

Although anxiety and depression are hard to treat, your living environment has already changed. As long as you can feel comfortable and relaxed in your life going forward, improve from your previous condition, and take your medication regularly, I believe that after some time of proper care, you'll definitely hear the doctor say at your next check-up that your medication can be reduced. This is our promise, okay?"

"!"

Looking at his serious expression, the young girl's pupils constricted, and her small face showed an expression of disbelief.

She had thought he would back away after hearing about all her problems...

After all, not only was her school tuition expensive, but her daily necessary medications were also costly, requiring at least 1,500 yuan per month.

This wasn't something an ordinary family could afford, and many patients would rather use cheaper psychiatric medications with stronger side effects than use the same new drugs as her.

Unfortunately, the old version of the medication didn't work for her at all, showing very poor effects.

Under these circumstances, even though she was in such a mess, with monthly expenses so high, he still firmly insisted on taking her in?

What kind of return could she possibly offer him?

Su Ling felt somewhat dazed and unconsciously asked:

"Why... are you willing to do so much for me? With our kind of relationship, even if you turned me away, no one would say anything. That should be more rational and easier, right?"

"What nonsense are you talking about?"

By this time, Lu Qing had already stood up to clear the dishes. Hearing the girl's question, he glanced at her and asked in return:

"Now that you've found me, of course I have to hold onto your hand. Is there any problem with that?"

...

...