【Give her a reason to live.】
【Create the motivation for her to keep living.】
【Bestow upon her a new meaning to live for.】
The only way Lu Qing could think of to prolong Tang Hua's life and prevent her from sinking further into the abyss was—
「To bind himself to her.」
Tang Hua needed him.
Therefore, every word he spoke and every action he took in front of her might have an unimaginably huge impact on her.
It could directly influence the outcome of her story.
“……”
Lu Qing had never imagined that one day, he would experience the true essence of a Galgame in real life.
The weight of making decisions that could affect someone else's fate was something he had never encountered before.
It was no exaggeration to say that every word was worth a thousand pieces of gold.
Time passed quickly.
He had closely observed the latest progress of her succubus costume, showing genuine admiration and being genuinely impressed by her craftsmanship;
He had pretended to be shocked, rewarding her with the direct feeling that all her efforts had paid off;
In her moment of surprise, he had transferred the remaining「30,000 yuan」as the final payment;
He had led her, who was too exhausted to walk, downstairs to a fast food restaurant for dinner;
Watching her awkwardly hold the double-decker beef burger, tears of gratitude streaming down her face…
It was as if she hadn’t eaten meat in a very, very long time.
He comforted her, “You can contact me for any problems in the future. Emotional issues are included, especially when you feel unhappy.”
He encouraged her, “Your costume is unparalleled, and I don’t want to see such a rising star stop moving forward. As I said before, your drawing skills will eventually shine brightly, bringing light and direction to others.”
He rewarded her, “See? I’ve set you as a「special attention」and「pinned」your chat. So, I’ll read your messages the moment they arrive. Don’t hesitate to bother me, okay?”
He punished her, “You have three days to take the cosplay photos of the succubus outfit I gave you, edit the final images, and send them to me. This is a small punishment for your previous deception, and also—
「There’s no need to give up what you love, even if you have reservations, you can try to pick it up again in a different way.」”
…
Tang Hua had fallen into a deep illusion.
She felt she could no longer wake up.
Today, she suddenly felt that the first 23 years of her life didn’t exist.
She hadn’t lived.
She hadn’t lived at all.
Not even in dreams had she ever experienced such a perfect moment.
The boss’s words, the boss’s care, the boss’s understanding, the boss’s consideration—
Everything,
had turned into the most precious memories,
etched into her heart.
She would never forget.
She could never forget.
…
Under the bright moonlight of the night,
Tang Hua sat with her arms wrapped around her knees on an ergonomic chair,
relishing the warmth of the afternoon’s encounter with him.
“Boss…”
“Boss.”
She murmured into the air, her gaze a bit scattered.
In front of her, the dark blue screen faintly glowed, and the succubus model in CSP faced her, as if it were her「child」, vividly observing its「mother」.
Although it could already be deployed as a「prototype」to defeat all rivals and make them look up in awe;
Yet, Tang Hua, using the industry’s highest standards of aesthetics, judged it to be imperfect, not perfect enough.
After today, she had realized what she had been searching for,
The remaining twenty percent of the completion "stroke."
was actually within her.
“。”
She finally understood.
The so-called divine stroke didn’t come from external factors.
It was.
「The boss’s gaze.」
—The gaze with which the boss looked at her so tenderly.
【A gaze filled with healing power and warmth, capable of moving and soothing the heart.】
“The shadows in my heart are dispelled by him, and even a worm-like me can see hope and crawl upwards.”
The desire to be saved amplified once again at this moment.
Basking in such sunlight, she could only realize afterward,
“I’m not worthless after all. I’m not unloved.”
—「There are people in this world who care about me, worry about me, and watch over me.」
If she could capture such a gaze,
and bestow it upon the「her」in front of her.
“。”
Tang Hua’s breathing quickened.
A tingling energy surged from the depths of her soul, spreading throughout her body.
“That’s right.”
“I want to etch the boss’s gaze into it.”
“I want everyone, even in the darkest trash heap, to be able to admire the beauty of「light」.”
—「Towards the light」.
…
…
Midnight.
Lu Qing pushed open the door to his home.
Inside,
the sound of practicing the piano hadn’t stopped.
No need to guess, Su Ling was pushing herself to the limit again.
He checked his phone for the time; it was midnight.
“……”
Click.
He closed the door firmly and entered the room.
“Brother, did you finish your business?”
Su Ling stopped what she was doing, took off her monitoring headphones, and glanced at him.
Her expression was calm, showing no signs of abnormality.
“Yeah. Resolved a major issue.”
Lu Qing hung his coat on the coat rack and asked, “Did you eat on time?”
“I did.” Su Ling smiled, “I reheated some baked rice.”
“Oh, the KFD in the fridge, right?”
Lu Qing felt relieved, thinking that it was good his sister was the type to listen. He had reminded her last time to eat properly even when alone, and she had actually followed his advice today. This was good, very good…
He was most afraid that Su Ling wouldn’t listen and would insist on waiting for him to eat together. Although she was already quite rebellious when it came to practicing the piano, as long as it didn’t involve her daily life, it was still acceptable.
Lu Qing actually didn’t have the heart to lecture his sister in a parental tone or with the attitude of an elder, because he knew it would be uncomfortable for her. There was a sense of self-righteousness in it, so he tried to avoid speaking to her that way, sometimes even not seeing himself as her brother.
Su Ling took out wet wipes and dry tissues to clean the black cat’s face, removing all the sweat, then turned off the video, speakers, and effectors, unplugged the connections, rolled them up, and placed them along with the piano into the「piano humidity cabinet」.
She turned back and said, “Brother, have you eaten? Should I make you some midnight snack?”
Her natural demeanor was incredibly thoughtful, making Lu Qing feel that no matter how much pressure was outside or how heavy the burden of life was, with his sister around, everything seemed less difficult.
With his sister, he would find new motivation to move forward.
He could ignore the darkness, push through the blackness,
and head towards that dim light that had once been within reach but was now far away,
once again gathering the courage to take careful, unnoticeable steps forward.
「Those who have been hurt always remain silent.」
Even if they have aspirations, they would never admit it.
—Wanting to relive the long-gone beauty or something like that.
…
“Sure, then help me reheat a baked rice too. I’ll take a shower first.”
Lu Qing didn’t refuse his sister’s offer.
Although he had originally planned to take a shower and then rest, as he had something important to do tomorrow, but since Su Ling had offered, he had to satisfy her little wish to avoid making her feel upset.
—「For a patient, fulfilling her needs to enrich her emotions is a positive form of healing.」
Lu Qing didn’t study himself,
but he had spent fragmented time reading a vast amount of materials and books.
Regarding「severe depression」,「severe anxiety」,「bipolar disorder」, etc.,
any articles, papers, or posts that could potentially help his sister, he had read them all.
He wanted to understand his sister more deeply and do something for her.
At the very least, to avoid worsening her condition due to factors like“saying things that don’t consider her feelings”,“failing to think from her perspective”,“not understanding the difficulties she faces”,“blindly believing that he understood what she needed”.
As a brother, even though he knew it would be exhausting to do all of the above, he felt it was necessary.
And very necessary.
Thus, the time he spent on the subway listening to music became the time he spent browsing posts and researching treatment methods for related illnesses and medications.
In his eyes, the theses of master’s and doctoral students were more rigorous than the unfounded ramblings of internet keyboard warriors.
Especially the sections related to new medications allowed him to directly understand the advantages of the drug "Xindayue" that his sister was taking over previous generations of older drugs.
He also learned about the expected timeline for the development of new antidepressants in the medical field and how to stay informed about them, how to obtain them, and how to access reviews on their side effects.
To do this, Lu Qing downloaded "Xiaohongben" to read patient and peer testimonials,
trying to glean useful information from them.
He used to only rely on "Buzhihu."
But now, to fully understand these matters, he had to read everything, ponder everything, and occasionally follow credible discussions to search for corresponding full-length papers.
Su Ling didn't know that her brother was as "obsessive" about finding a cure for her as she was about her own condition.
After all, Lu Qing never showed his concern for someone on his face.
He preferred to prove it through actions rather than empty promises.
…
The time was 1 PM.
The two sat at the table, with the lights off.
When asked why she didn't turn on the lights since they weren't short on electricity bills,
Su Ling replied that candles created a better atmosphere.
—Indeed, she had purchased a Gothic candlestick lamp, placing it on the small dining table in her bedroom, which served as the centerpiece for a candlelit dinner.
“…Alright.”
“I’ve always wanted to tell you, you’re really elegant.”
Lu Qing scooped up some baked rice with his fork and looked at his sister, curious:
“Did Auntie, when she wasn’t out, use some kind of foreign noble etiquette to guide your upbringing?”
“…How could that be.”
Su Ling shook her head, her expression slightly tense.
Clearly, she didn’t want to talk about it.
Lu Qing got the hint and didn’t push further.
In fact, from his recent interactions, he had vaguely noticed that Su Ling’s personality had a distinct trait.
Namely,
“Whatever she believes is right, she will absolutely implement and follow through with.”
This trait was quite frightening. For example, if she thought “maid outfits are beautiful,” then in subsequent clothing purchases, she would always prioritize whether she could buy a maid outfit, whether she could wear it indoors, or even outdoors.
If it weren’t for his repeated dissuasion, saying “two or three sets are enough, it’s really not suitable to wear this as regular outdoor attire,” his sister might have deleted all other stores from her favorites and only followed crown shops like “Maidolia” that specialized in maid outfits.
…
Another example was practicing the piano.
This was one of the things Lu Qing regretted the most.
He even repeatedly questioned himself, “Did I overpay for the piano?”
Although he didn’t know his sister’s motives, ever since she got her hands on “Black Cat,” she seemed to merge with it,
from morning till night, the two were inseparable,
and nothing could interfere with her daily piano practice of at least 8 hours.
Morning practice, morning session, afternoon session, evening session.
It included basic exercises, music theory study, video course study, textbook study, short practice pieces, and self-exploration.
After observing her, Lu Qing was convinced that she aimed to excel in this field and was absolutely serious, not just putting on a show.
This was terrifying.
What was even more terrifying was that
her personality, her condition,
actually became…
a catalyst in “music.”
—“Obsession,” “silence,” “numbness,” “seclusion,” traits that are usually seen as debuffs,
[were invincible] when it came to “practicing the piano.”
Negative effects turned into positive ones. On this basis, as long as she remained calm and sincere, she could truly touch the healing offered by the “God of Music” and see light that ordinary people couldn’t perceive.
Although.
He, himself, had failed.
But if his sister wanted to try,
that wasn’t a bad thing.
What if she succeeded?
“…”
Halfway through his baked rice, Lu Qing suddenly thought of something and asked:
“By the way, Ling, you haven’t been out for a long time. Tomorrow is Sunday; do you want to go out for some fresh air?”
He said it casually, but in his heart, he was thinking, “You should take a break from the piano for a day, give your fingers and Black Cat a rest.”
But his sister shook her head and replied sensibly:
“No need, brother. I know you’ve been very busy. I guess your precious weekend must be packed with things to do, like writing your novel, preparing school assignments, and your money-making ‘project’… seems quite tight.”
She pondered, propping her cheek with her left elbow on the table, looking at her brother:
“Why don’t you focus on your work first? I can go out next week.”
“Huh?”
“Yes, I want to practice the piano at home for another week. This way, I won’t cause you any trouble.”
Su Ling looked straight into his eyes and said lightly.
“…”
At this moment,
Lu Qing felt that the KFD baked rice in his mouth had become a bit bland.
It tasted like nothing.
There was nothing wrong with it.
It just felt…
like something was off.
The level of understanding his sister displayed made him feel…
was the person sitting in front of him really her, or “her”?
Why was there such a considerate, understanding being who always thought from his perspective?
—Since Su Ling entered this home, she seemed to always bring him a sense of comfort.
Apart from her stubbornness during piano practice, his sister was perfect.
Moreover, her attitude toward “music” was exactly the same as his own…
It was almost like a carbon copy.
If he were to blame her for this, wouldn’t that make him a hypocrite?
Why could he indulge in his passions but not his sister?
Besides, “Black Cat” was a gift from him. Did he regret it just because she cherished it and wanted to take it away?
That definitely wouldn’t be right.
Ah.
【I am guilty.】
Lu Qing thought.
“I understand, Su Ling. In that case, let’s make a deal: next weekend, I’ll take you out, no matter what happens. I’ll make sure to free up that time. We’ll go out for some fresh air, okay?”
He put down his utensils and looked at his sister.
“Huh? Why is brother so insistent? Are you trying to test my condition?”
Su Ling was sharp and immediately pointed out his concern.
“Don’t worry, I haven’t been taking my medication lately.
Ever since ‘Black Cat’ arrived, I feel less ‘lonely’ than before, this feeling seems much stronger than when I was alone at home… So, even if I don’t go out, I can still hold on.”
“Huh?”
When Lu Qing first heard his sister’s words, his immediate thought was【Is it because you stopped taking your medication that you’ve been playing the piano so crazily?】,
But after hearing the latter part, a sense of responsibility spread from the depths of his heart, enveloping him—
Ah, it’s all my fault for having to go to school during the day and not being able to accompany her, causing her to feel empty and bored at home, enduring the loneliness of not having anyone by her side.
However, when he thought about it, bringing “Black Cat” home might mean that “Black Cat” could temporarily replace him in accompanying his sister, allowing her to safely pass the days when he wasn’t home.
If that were true, if “Black Cat” had an efficacy comparable to medication, then no matter the price, his decision to buy “Black Cat” was absolutely correct.
—In Lu Qing’s mind, the importance of improving his sister’s condition surpassed everything.
If it could be solved with money, then no matter the cost, he would consider it acceptable.
Absolutely not a loss.
“Su Ling, but your recent state worries me. Since you haven’t been following the doctor’s instructions, could it be that suddenly stopping your medication has caused you any discomfort? If so, we should still find time to go for a check-up and hear what the doctor has to say, okay?”
It was kind of funny coming from a patient who thought his own doctor was a “quack.”
But Lu Qing prided himself on being extremely clear-headed and rational.
【I’m not sick, no matter what the doctor says, I’m not sick.】
【I can’t be sick, I won’t admit I’m sick, because I still have to heal others, I still have missions I must complete.】
Since the memory of high school began to fracture and he completely gave up music, his mental state has been oscillating between two extremes.
Until Su Ling's appearance.
At this moment,
The girl shook her head and said, "It's okay, brother. The doctor's words are just a suggestion. And I also know that medication has limited effects on the illness. If curing it only required taking pills, there wouldn't be so many children facing despair every day in the world."
She seemed to be more clear-headed than himself.
"In my opinion, medication is secondary, and the transformation of mentality is the core. If life is like a stagnant pond and the state doesn't change, no matter how much medication is used, it's only treating the symptoms, not the root cause. So, as long as the illness can be controlled from worsening, the effect of the medication has already been shown.
What I need to do next is to grasp new hope and change the previous 'state'."
"..."
So that's how it is.
Lu Qing nodded inwardly, gaining a clearer understanding of Su Ling's perspective.
"So that's what she thinks."
He pondered inwardly.
In fact, Lu Qing didn't fully agree with his sister's view on antidepressants.
Having researched a vast amount of information, he believed that there were only three ways to cure anxiety and depression symptoms—
The first was to, while the illness was still mild, immediately find the root cause of falling into such a state, eliminate it, erase it, or change it, refreshing one's mood. This way, one could escape the mire just a few seconds before both feet got stuck, which was self-rescue for the mildly affected and still had room for maneuver.
But clearly, Su Ling was already too late.
She was very serious.
So only options two and three could be considered.
Obviously, option two was the one she was currently using—Western medicine treatment + mood transformation.
Because her living environment had changed, her state of mind was different from before, which Lu Qing could confirm.
Because she had bought "Black Cat," come into contact with music, started learning music, and seemed to genuinely be interested in it, her spiritual level had gained some enrichment.
These were two positive conditions.
As for stopping medication, Lu Qing had read papers and was very clear that Su Ling's medication could compensate for the "serotonin" in her neurotransmitter system, meaning her medication could externally adjust and balance some of this component—
The component that allows people to normally obtain happiness factors.
[A person who is in a state of chronic depression and anxiety cannot feel happiness from life.]
For example, watching a child's balloon fly into the sky, some people might smile,
while others might feel sorry for the balloon, thinking it faces an endless abyss;
This is a perceptual difference caused by cognitive disarray,
a pain that non-sufferers cannot understand or even imagine.
Lu Qing felt that taking medication must be effective.
Using both methods together until Su Ling could actively find joy in real life, adjust her mood, and take in enough happiness daily, that would be the best time to stop medication.
Not thinking she's better just because she feels better, or thinking she can stop taking medication just because she feels she can.
—Just like himself.
"Alright."
He said, "If you feel unwell, tell me immediately, since I still have option three I haven't tried with you yet."
Lu Qing continued eating his baked rice, his gaze deep under the flickering candlelight.
"Huh? Brother, what's 'option three'? Where do you want to take me?"
This time, Su Ling was a bit confused. She rarely encountered "unresolved secrets."
For her brother to suddenly say something unexpected was truly unexpected.
This indicated that he [had recently generated new secrets],
secrets that were outside her "intelligence system."
Very crucial.
"Hmm."
Lu Qing said:
"I've read a lot of doctoral theses. I think if Western medicine and the environment can't cure you, I plan to take you to try traditional Chinese medicine.
After all, I've heard that there are indeed miraculous doctors in traditional Chinese medicine, and 'anxiety and depression' are referred to as 'liver qi stagnation' or 'heart-spleen deficiency' in traditional Chinese medicine.
When I was at my worst, I went to Tianhai City Traditional Chinese Medicine Hospital to seek treatment from a miraculous doctor for my migraines. At the time, it would flare up once a year, and no painkillers could control it...
Even though it was a very complicated condition, Doctor Qi only prescribed a formula, grabbed five doses of medicine, and after I drank it that day, the headache was immediately alleviated... which left me very shocked.
They say that the effects of traditional Chinese medicine come slowly, but only those who have experienced it understand that if the doctor can take the pulse accurately and prescribe the right formula, the subsequent treatment will indeed regulate the body at a very fast pace."
He paused and said seriously, "So, this is one of my trump cards. If you feel your condition getting worse, I plan to cancel all other matters and take you to consult the miraculous doctor."
Su Ling: "???"
The girl was a bit confused.
What was this SSSS-level intelligence?
How did her brother have such a history?
He... had migraines?
Come to think of it, migraines are also one of the symptoms of 'somatization,' right?
Wait... could his headaches be 'cluster headaches'?
One of the most painful diseases in the world?
The one that flares up once a year?
The one with so many patients unable to bear the pain that it's called the "suicidal headache"?
Brother, you... ?
"..."
At this point, Su Ling had no more mood to ponder other things.
Because she found that
her brother's secrets...
[Seemed to be impossible to completely unravel.]
...
...