Su Ling felt defeated.
She was overwhelmed with a sense of helplessness.
For the first time, she realized that her confidence seemed almost childish in front of her brother.
Even her illness,
in his presence, felt insignificant.
—Not severe enough,
not deep enough.
"What's wrong with my brother?"
How many things is he hiding from me?
How can he act so normal,
when he’s clearly suffered such severe injuries?
“…”
Su Ling’s face darkened.
She wasn’t dissatisfied with her brother.
Rather, she was frustrated with herself for not truly understanding him, for not being able to fully penetrate his heart.
Her brother had suffered a "serious injury."
A wound that was difficult to heal.
A wound that would leave permanent scars.
And yet, she hadn’t even glimpsed the tip of the iceberg.
She had even arrogantly believed that she understood him better than anyone else.
Ah…
Whether it was Ryo or someone lurking in the shadows,
they all seemed to know her brother better than she did,
to have understood him earlier than she had.
“…”
“I’m not worthy of being his only sister.”
“I’m not qualified to stand at the third level and deliver a crushing blow to others, to push all rivals out of the game.”
“I was already ahead.”
“But I can’t do anything.”
—Faced with her brother’s wounds, she could do nothing.
Su Ling watched as Lu Qing finished his meal and went to clean the dishes.
She remained seated at the dining table, lost in thought.
“How strange.”
Can’t my brother notice that his cognitive functions are impaired?
Why can he go to school, go outdoors, even write novels as if nothing is wrong?
Is it possible that his migraines are triggered by extreme anxiety, pushed to a breaking point?
And judging by his condition, it seems he’s not using Western medicine.
Though it’s unclear if he’s taken it before, it’s certain that he has consulted a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner, the so-called "miracle doctor" Doctor Qi, whose skills are unparalleled.
Through Doctor Qi, her brother obtained a miraculous remedy that instantly suppresses his migraines.
Therefore,
Doctor Qi is her brother’s "benefactor."
Or perhaps, his 【savior】.
“...Does such a mysterious traditional Chinese medicine really exist?”
Su Ling couldn’t understand, nor could she figure it out.
But she could vaguely guess that the reason Lu Qing hadn’t immediately turned to traditional Chinese medicine was perhaps because he feared she wouldn’t believe in it, that she wouldn’t be willing to try it.
Of course, there was also the most important point: the Western medicine provided by her doctor, Doctor Yan, was effective to some extent.
Since the Western medicine worked, there was no need to stop the treatment and switch to traditional Chinese medicine.
Su Ling thought it through—
Her brother’s trump card was something he would only use if she voluntarily gave up on treatment.
And using this card likely meant he would have to pay a significant price.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t have taken it so seriously, burying it deep in his heart until today.
“...How many more secrets is my brother hiding from me?”
Su Ling sighed softly.
She felt somewhat powerless.
If unlocking his phone password only required patience and time,
finding his hidden stash only required seizing the right moment,
and unraveling his emotions toward "music" only required enough effort and dedication;
then understanding his entire past, especially when it involved something as complex as "traditional Chinese medicine," everything suddenly became vague, distant, and elusive.
This was not a field she could simply dabble in.
It involved too many things.
From the laws of heaven to herbal medicine, from the balance of yin and yang to the harmony of human and environment… how could it all be summarized by just "medical skills"?
“My brother has experienced the ‘four diagnostic methods’—observation, listening, questioning, and pulse-taking—with Doctor Qi, and he affirmed Doctor Qi’s divine skills. That means he truly believes in traditional Chinese medicine.”
Su Ling silently pondered this as she flipped open the "little red book."
“Indeed.”
The causes of "cluster headaches" are extremely complex, often misdiagnosed as ordinary migraines, with no organic lesions like brain tumors visible on CT scans.
This suggests that her brother’s condition was triggered by some kind of stimulus.
【Some kind of major impact on his life, his mindset.】
This pain had already caused him anxiety,
even to the point of "somatization,"
and further progressed to "clustering."
If not for Doctor Qi, the miracle doctor,
her brother might have,
【possibly died.】
…
The information in the little red book was clear:
【Cluster headaches, also known as "suicide headaches," are among the most painful conditions in the world, characterized by extreme, sudden, and relentless pain that lasts for at least ten to thirty minutes, or even longer—
Often waking patients from sleep, causing them to scream in agony, bang their heads against walls, cry, experience conjunctival congestion, night sweats, vomiting… Severe cases may require oxygen, and the number of daily attacks is unpredictable.
As a result, many resort to "suicide" to escape such intense suffering—
This kind of pain, which even painkillers cannot suppress, leaves patients in unbearable agony, seemingly without a solution.】
“My brother…”
Su Ling took a deep breath.
She closed her eyes tightly.
At this moment, she couldn’t describe how she felt.
It was like a wooden boat, having survived a storm through skillful maneuvering and the help of nature, only to drift into an abyss the next moment—
A deep, suffocating darkness like a black hole.
“.”
Su Ling refused to give up.
She opened her eyes again and continued reading,
searching for ways to treat the condition.
【—Cluster headaches are seasonal. With proper care and emotional stability, they may not occur for years;
However, if there are significant emotional fluctuations or neurotransmitter imbalances, the frequency of attacks may increase, ranging from once a year for a month to occurring yearly, all year round, at random times, and multiple times a day.】
“…”
Clearly, her brother was not currently in an "attack period."
His condition had improved after Doctor Qi intervened.
Perhaps it was more accurate to describe his current state as a "stable period."
He could go to school, socialize, go out, and didn’t need to take medication.
Yes,
recently,
her brother had definitely not taken any medication in front of her.
Su Ling thought to herself: “He doesn’t seem to realize that the pressure on him is about to crush his nerves.”
“He lives every day in exhaustion. He loves music so much, yet he’s too afraid to touch it… He can only watch from afar as I pick up his favorite things in front of him.”
“His body has already reached its breaking point. His sighs are not without reason.
But he still pretends to be a normal person, struggling to live every day, trying to make the most of whatever time he has left, living it as he had envisioned.”
Surely, his temples must be throbbing secretly every day.
That’s why her brother always massages his temples, sometimes for a long time.
—"Cluster headaches" often start with a throbbing sensation in one temple as a precursor.
If this precursor is recognized in time and painkillers are taken promptly, the attack can be somewhat controlled, shortening the unbearable duration and reducing the risk of suicide due to the inability to endure the pain.
So, was her brother’s habitual gesture actually a self-rescue posture he had developed from years of experiencing these attacks?
Was he trying to gauge the extent of his anxiety and somatization by feeling the pulsation of the vein in his temple—
Was that it?
“Ah…”
Su Ling clutched her chest.
Something seemed to well up in her eyes.
Her heart ached as if it had been gouged out.
In truth, she had already had a premonition.
A premonition that her brother was hiding a profound "secret."
This "secret" could not be known by others, and especially not by her.
Her brother’s logic was "not to transmit any negative emotions to those around him."
His underlying way of thinking was—
“Emotions are contagious.”
He didn’t want his fragile body,
his chaotic mind,
his hopeless life,
his barely surviving state,
to be exposed to her.
He didn’t want to show his disheveled appearance to her, to rob her of this last layer of security.
“Brother…”
Su Ling murmured softly.
Now,
She had come to a full understanding:
Her brother was, in truth, already in complete disarray.
He didn’t believe he was ill.
Yet, he was clearly on the brink of collapse.
If it weren’t for that miraculous doctor, Doctor Qi, who had coincidentally pulled him back from the edge,
her brother might have met a tragic end—suicide, driven by the "cluster headaches" caused by "somatized anxiety."
…
Su Ling clutched her chest tightly.
Suddenly,
a surge of inexplicable rage welled up in the young girl’s heart.
At this moment,
Su Ling was furious.
—Absolutely livid.
Because she knew,
all "anxiety" had its root cause.
Just like her own "depression,"
it couldn’t appear out of nowhere.
If it seemed like there was no reason, it simply meant the reason hadn’t been found yet.
For example:
"Financial stress" (the suffocation brought by poverty),
"Emotional strain" (the pain of losing something to hold onto),
"Physical repression" (the torment of long-term emotional suppression),
"Material deprivation" (the self-doubt triggered by being unable to obtain what one desires),
"Existential crisis" (the belief that one is worthless, incapable of achieving anything).
—Don’t run away from it. Think carefully, reflect deeply, and you’ll always discover what’s missing.
"So,"
Su Ling inhaled deeply again.
She muttered coldly to herself:
"What exactly,"
"triggered my brother’s anxiety?"
"What caused him to linger in this state of anxiety, his condition worsening over time?"
Until, finally, it erupted into "clusters."
"Who is it that’s tormenting my brother?"
"My brother wouldn’t be crushed by the pressures of life."
"He wouldn’t abandon music without a reason."
"If giving up music was a decision he had no choice but to make,"
"then the cluster headaches must have been a fatal wound that appeared before he made that choice."
…
Su Ling was eerily calm.
Drawing on her network of information, she pondered with all her might.
Soon,
she arrived at the following conclusion—
"Someone hurt him."
……
This person couldn’t be a man.
It had to be a woman she had never met.
She had delved into her brother’s heart,
only to wound him deeply with brutal force,
and then irresponsibly walked away.
Given her brother’s personality, he would never blame the other person. He might even believe that the fault lay with himself.
How cruel.
……
"Heh."
She laughed.
Su Ling closed the door.
Silently, she walked over to the "humidity-controlled cabinet."
Under the spotlight, she gazed at the "black cat" resting quietly inside.
Silence.
Silence.
…
Suddenly,
she reached out her delicate hand,
toward the black cat.
With a twisted expression,
she invited:
"Shall we, together, find 'her'?"
……
……