“There’s a bomb lodged within my body.”
“A ticking time bomb, ready to go off at any moment.”
It’s buried deep in my heart, like an iron thorn that can never be fully removed.
To this day, the last thread of hope that could restrain it, the last rope that could save me, has long since vanished.
The words I spoke to my sister were a lie.
To give her some comfort, I told her that even if the Western medicine didn’t work, even if there was no turning back, we could still seek out a miracle doctor, someone who was no longer reachable, to reverse the damage caused by the illness.
In the darkness,
Lu Qing lay on the sofa, scrolling through old chat records on WeChat—
【Qi Shi, Chief Physician of Traditional Chinese Medicine, City-Famous Doctor】
Sleep was elusive, words were hard to come by.
…
The past connection resurfaced through text.
Lu Qing: 【Dr. Qi, your medicine works wonders! I only drank two packets, and today the pain is completely gone! Even the throbbing vein at my temple has calmed down! I want to know, is there really hope for a cure for this disease that Western medicine can’t solve? Can I… come back to you for more prescriptions?】
Qi Shi: 【Let’s observe for a while, young man. Your condition is too complex; there’s no chance of a cure in Western medicine. I can diagnose and treat you for a period, but you must also be mindful of your diet and avoid stress. Don’t suppress yourself.】
Lu Qing: 【Got it, Dr. Qi! No painkillers worked for me, and I almost gave up on life. If it weren’t for you, I don’t know how I would’ve made it through that last day… Oh, I’ve ordered a banner of gratitude, I’ll bring it to you next time I come for a prescription!!】
Qi Shi: 【It’s just fate. Young Lu, you’re still young. Don’t let anger, fear, or stress consume you, and the illness will naturally resolve itself.
When a person is tense or fearful, their “qi” sinks, causing abnormalities throughout the body, and liver fire can attack the lungs, leading to coughing, allergies, and more.
Your emotional state is the primary cause of your illness.
The prescription I’ve given you strengthens the spleen, and your headaches are due to high intracranial pressure caused by mental stress.
You need to reduce heart fire and soothe liver qi. Once you finish the decoction, you can take the patent medicine Xiaoyao Pill to maintain balance.】
Lu Qing: 【Got it!! Thank you so much, Dr. Qi. I don’t trust any other doctors anymore; I’ll keep coming to you for treatment!】
Qi Shi: 【Don’t be too extreme.】
…
The conversation froze two years ago.
Lu Qing: 【Voice message: 36s】
Qi Shi: 【Go to my assistant to get the decoction. This persistent cough you’ve had for three months isn’t due to a cold. The Chaihu granules and Lianqing capsules you mentioned are completely ineffective for you. Don’t delay; treat it as soon as possible. I’m in Suzhou and can’t return for now.】
Lu Qing: 【Dr. Qi, I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night lately, startled from my dreams. What’s going on? Can you help me with this?】
Qi Shi: 【Sure, it’s still related to emotional distress. Don’t stress; come see me tomorrow for medicine.】
Lu Qing: 【Dr. Qi, my skin has been itching a lot lately, especially when I’m outside and the wind blows. I sneeze and feel really uncomfortable. Can you treat this for me?】
Qi Shi: 【It’s an allergic reaction; it can be controlled and treated. But you must avoid certain foods; keep your diet light for now.】
Lu Qing: 【Dr. Qi, I’ve been feeling uneasy lately, my chest feels tight, and my eyes aren’t comfortable either. You’ve already managed to control my headaches, allergies, pneumonia, high uric acid, and stomach issues. I don’t trust any other doctors anymore. I… I want to get some more medicine to regulate my body. Can you help me one more time?】
Qi Shi: 【Young Lu, I’ll be retiring in two months and moving back to Suzhou. If you feel unwell in the future, you can see Director Chen.】
“Huh?”
Qi Shi: 【Our medical fate ends here. If we’re meant to meet again, we will.】
…
If it can be said that
the life she had sunk into the abyss was enough to erase all the brilliance of high school,
then Dr. Qi’s appearance was the only beam of light in the dark depths of the ocean.
The “miracle doctor” pulled me up, only to walk away without a word.
…
I added Dr. Qi to my social circle after the third diagnosis and prescription.
Dr. Qi once said that a true traditional Chinese medicine practitioner would never prescribe the same formula for someone for half a month, let alone a month.
After all, not only do medicines degrade over time, but the condition of a person’s body also changes dynamically during the course of treatment.
A proper diagnosis and treatment require rechecking the pulse every six days, adjusting the dosage, and fine-tuning the prescription based on the previous formula. That’s what it means to “diagnose and treat.”
—Dr. Qi Shi never prescribed an extra pill, nor did he ever take an unearned penny from his patients.
The three walls of his clinic, covered in banners of gratitude from patients, spoke volumes about the ethics of this nearly 70-year-old gentleman.
…
I still remember the first time I walked into his clinic.
I brushed past the crowd piled up like mountains outside and opened the door to “City-Famous Doctor Qi Shi.”
On his well-lit desk were pots of green plants.
Sun-loving herbs, blooming greenery, thriving in the old gentleman’s room,
flourishing, flourishing.
Dr. Qi’s assistant sat across from him, handling the computer and other equipment, careful not to speak out of turn.
Dr. Qi himself sipped tea leisurely,
his face glowing with health, his demeanor as kind as that of a grandfather I’d never met.
“Doctor, I’m feeling really unwell.”
“Hmm, don’t be nervous. Take a seat.”
“Doctor, I have headaches. I went to the hospital and had scans, but they found nothing. The painkillers they gave me only made things worse—nausea, vomiting, and no relief at all… I feel like my headaches are untreatable, and they’re getting more frequent. I’m in so much pain, I really…”
“Young man, calm your mind. Don’t be so anxious. Just extend your arm.”
“Oh, okay…”
“Your liver fire is strong; you’re prone to anger and irritability.”
“Ah… yes, I…”
“Allergies, lung damage, shortness of breath.”
“?? I do get itchy all over, and sometimes I can’t catch my breath, especially when…”
“High blood pressure, or more accurately, high intracranial pressure, caused by mental stress, leading to dizziness.”
“??? Yes, that’s exactly it. I came here because the pain was unbearable, Dr. Qi, I…”
“Your kidney qi is slightly weak; you’ve been staying up too late, pulling all-nighters. You need to change that habit.”
“????? I… you…?”
“Take Qiju Dihuang and Xiaoyao Pill for seven days. Avoid certain foods, eat light, and cut out grease. I’ll prescribe a decoction for you next week.”
Dr. Qi didn’t seem to need to ask any questions. He simply gave instructions to his assistant.
“!”
It was as if, the moment I walked into the room, the moment he glanced at me while sipping his tea—
“The diagnosis had already begun.”
With just a pulse check, he could pinpoint all my pain, all my discomfort.
He could tell if I had hemorrhoids, if my digestion was irregular, if there were nodules in my lungs.
Everything, it seemed, was revealed with just a touch of his hand,
as natural as the flow of the universe.
Dr. Qi’s confident smile, tinged with a hint of pride—“Your condition, in Western medicine, has no chance of being cured.”
I thought it was just boasting,
but after taking the patent medicine for just a week, the “high intracranial pressure” immediately subsided and never flared up again.
That was just “patent medicine”! The more potent and precise “decoction” hadn’t even come into play yet… And yet, Dr. Qi had already managed to control a disease that had driven me to consider suicide?
Lu Qing was stunned.
Although
Dr. Qi had “instantly” stopped his headaches,
at the time, Lu Qing still thought it was because he had passed the “cluster period,” and that the patent medicine Dr. Qi had “casually” prescribed had worked by coincidence.
But after the second week, when he drank the prescribed decoction…
everything changed.
…
Dr. Qi’s demeanor during consultations was indescribable.
The elderly gentleman was as gentle as a spring breeze. With one hand on my pulse and the other holding a pen, he would write down a dozen herbal ingredients in flowing, dragon-like strokes,
the “essence of the Dao” contained within those words, impossible to put into words.
【Astragalus 70g, Angelica dahurica 40g, Coptis 15g, Dictamnus dasycarpus 15g, Codonopsis pilosula 30g, Forsythia 5g, Hedyotis diffusa 5g, Loranthus 35g, Ligustrum lucidum 25g, Amomum kravanh 40g, Stir-fried Atractylodes macrocephala 30g, Wild chrysanthemum 50g……】
An extremely complex prescription, with completely irregular dosages, was referred to by Dr. Qi Shi as, "a one-time cure."
Lu Qing was well aware that in Western medicine, "cluster headaches" were incurable.
Even in traditional Chinese medicine, it wasn't guaranteed that the disease could be completely cured, or even alleviated.
He had done some research online beforehand and found that many average TCM practitioners would only make minor adjustments to existing formulas, not daring to make bold changes.
Someone like Dr. Qi, who could "accurately diagnose based solely on pulse readings and handwrite an irreplicable prescription without even asking questions," was unheard of, unprecedented.
He remembered how Dr. Qi's handwriting was like a dragon's dance, with the final stroke of the "g" in each herb name elegantly sweeping upwards.
His admiration for him grew increasingly fervent with each consultation.
…
"Dr. Qi, I’ve been vegetarian for a week, avoiding meat. Can I start taking the herbal decoction now?"
"Dr. Qi, all my previous blockages have been resolved, and I’ve been feeling very stable lately. You’re amazing—you even managed to fix my other issues!"
"Dr. Qi, my allergic rhinitis has actually improved?! My nose isn’t blocked anymore, even though it’s allergy season. Even levocetirizine and montelukast couldn’t help me… How did you…?"
"Dr. Qi, I’ve been feeling so lighthearted lately, as if a heavy stone in my heart has been lifted… Am I really someone who can be cured? Can I… can I really experience a 'normal' life?"
"Dr. Qi, your medical skills are truly extraordinary. I don’t even know how to describe it… I sincerely hope you live a long and healthy life, continuing to save more patients. That’s my selfish wish."
"Dr. Qi, last time it rained, you weren’t here, so I asked your assistant to prescribe the same formula. But it didn’t work nearly as well as the one you personally tailored… Even though the herbs and dosages were the same, it just wasn’t the same. I think it must be because the diagnosis wasn’t as precise… Is your skill truly impossible to replicate?"
"Dr. Qi, I feel like I’m getting better. I’ve never felt this light before!! Dr. Qi, can I… can I drink coffee now?"
Qi Shi: "?"
"Sorry, Dr. Qi, I’ll just stick to milk tea."
…
Time passed.
【Today, retirement, the end of the journey, returning home, boarding another train, and starting anew.
Once, my career was glorious, once, my songs echoed far and wide.
Once, I worked hard to broaden my horizons, once, I navigated the path of medicine with ease.
Decades of studying traditional Chinese medicine, delving into the "Inner Canon" and "Treatise on Cold Damage and Miscellaneous Diseases,"
balancing Eastern and Western medicine, grappling with doubts, refining my craft,
observing, understanding, practicing,
walking through countless difficult detours, witnessing life and death shrouded in mist;
experimenting with herbal medicine and acupuncture, experiencing the wonders of TCM,
working day shifts, working holidays,
studying at night, bearing heavy responsibilities,
mastering the four diagnostic methods and the eight principles of differentiation,
understanding yin-yang, the five elements, and the six meridians,
standing at the brink of life and death,
able to alleviate human suffering;
what is meant by "water flows where the channel is dug," what is meant by "divine assistance"?
—It’s all about understanding and repeated practice.
—It’s all about compassion and meticulous record-keeping.
What is meant by a stable profession that doesn’t require favors,
what is meant by an iron rice bowl forged with gold and silver?
No one sees the late-night contemplation,
no one knows the effort behind the scenes.
All seventy-two professions have their honors and disgraces, but saving a life surpasses building a seven-tiered pagoda.
Once a doctor, always a doctor.
A lifetime in medicine, no regrets, no remorse.
Looking back on the medical journey, it’s a blessing, a fortune.
With this kind heart, may tomorrow be long, and may I navigate it with ease.】
—Qi Shi.
…
…
"Sigh."
"Ah…"
Lu Qing lay on the sofa bed, his gaze unfocused as he scrolled through Dr. Qi’s final social media post.
His chest felt heavy.
This was the perfect conclusion Dr. Qi had drawn to his decades-long medical career.
The fact that Lu Qing had been able to add Dr. Qi as a friend and "witness" the "light" he radiated was already a rare privilege.
He should be grateful, deeply grateful.
Of course, Dr. Qi’s other posts were also beyond the comprehension of ordinary people.
His previous reflections were all personal "insights" and "understandings" of traditional Chinese medicine.
For example, "Only after reading the 'Yellow Emperor’s Inner Canon' did I realize that those who align with the Dao are naturally beautiful";
or, "The 'Inner Canon' says: I have heard that in ancient times, there were true sages who grasped the heavens and earth, mastered yin and yang, breathed in the essence of the sun and moon, maintained their spirit in solitude, and kept their muscles unified, thus achieving longevity that rivaled the heavens and earth, without end. This is the Dao of life. There are three key points—
first, understanding and mastering the principles of yin and yang, teaching us to comprehend the laws of nature;
second, breathing in the essence of the sun and moon, using the sun to nourish yang and the moon to nourish yin, not staying indoors on beautiful days and missing the best time to absorb the essence of the sun and moon;
third, 'maintaining oneness.'
This means living alone, focusing the mind, and keeping the body and spirit unified."
Or—
"Clearly, traditional Chinese medicine is a true medical science of life, not only helping people achieve health but more importantly, enabling them to live well, live long, and attain joy and happiness. I believe the immense value of TCM lies in this."
Such statements, this kind of understanding that binds TCM with the "Dao of Heaven,"
made the young Lu Qing feel, every time he opened WeChat to admire them, as if he had encountered a celestial being descended to earth.
Dr. Qi had come like a breeze and left just as gracefully.
Leaving behind a social media feed that would no longer update, a WeChat account that would no longer reply.
Lu Qing knew,
from now on,
there would never be another figure like Dr. Qi Shi in his life.
The "Director Chen" recommended by Dr. Qi was someone he had no desire to try, no desire to believe in.
He only believed in Dr. Qi.
Only in this divine healer who saved lives.
Qi Shi, Qi Shi.
His name seemed to naturally embody the Dao, as if it were heaven-sent.
"Focusing on one thing, dedicating a lifetime to it."
Such determination would always be worthy of respect.
"Dr. Qi, you saved me, showed me the existence of the Dao, and pointed me in the right direction."
"Now, as you leave, retiring to Suzhou, I will never forget."
"I used to be a coward, too timid to express my love for others, too afraid to show my true feelings, utterly weak.
Because of that, I fell ill, gravely ill, planting a 'bomb' in my heart."
"Before you left Tianhai, you defused the 'bomb,' decoded its timer, and lessened its damage.
But, the 'bomb' is still a 'bomb.' It still exists."
"Now I understand that your medical skill isn’t just about choosing the right herbs or making precise diagnoses,
but rather, it’s about truly 'transmitting the Dao.'
The heart of transmitting the Dao will never decay with time, nor can it be broken by any lower-dimensional 'force.'"
"You’ve made me see that [saving others is also a form of strength]."
…
[Today, I no longer fear illness.]
[I am unafraid of suffering, unafraid of death.]
[I will face my fate with composure, and before that moment comes, I will use my own hands,
to pull out,
as many,
trapped souls as I can.]
"Today, I will no longer run away."
"I won’t be like before, too cowardly to accept others’ pleas for help."
"I won’t be like when I was tormented by illness, unable to save myself, powerless to change my fate."
"I am no longer afraid of the night, even if there’s an abyss ahead, I will save one more person before stepping into it."
With this in mind,
Lu Qing exited WeChat and opened "Cloud Music."
He clicked on the top right corner,
on the "99+" that had been untouched for two years.
Then,
he focused his gaze on the "miss you" messages from Lin-chan,
which had long exceeded "999+."
…
…