It seems like there's something wrong with my mindset.
But when did it start to go wrong?
Zhang San suddenly looked at Wang Xiaoer, then said: “Perhaps you’re right.”
Wang Xiaoer had a bewildered look on his face, and only said one word: “Huh?”
“Remember what you asked about why I didn’t kill all of those mountain bandits?”
Wang Xiaoer recalled the group of people from Black Wind Stockade. So that's what master was referring to.
He remembered when they first left Black Wind Stockade, Wang Xiaoer had asked Zhang San why, given master's usual temperament and his teachings, killing off those mountain bandits completely should have been a foregone conclusion.
The mountain bandits weren't killed.
Bai Fang wasn't kidnapped.
And perhaps there were more overlooked details that I didn't notice. What's going on with me?
Could I have thought that after killing Heishan Ke, avenging the villagers’ blood debt from back then, I would become a good person?
Wang Xiaoer lowered his head, also lost in thought. But soon, Wang Xiaoer frowned.
Because he suddenly heard the sound of crying.
No way.
Master couldn’t possibly be crying over something so trivial, could he?
When Wang Xiaoer looked up, he discovered the crying wasn't coming from master, but from the mountain tavern not too far away...
Zhang San frowned. The voice sounded somewhat familiar. He led Wang Xiaoer to slowly walk forward.
Inside the tavern, there weren't any customers at all, only a square-faced man with thick brows and big eyes. He really had nothing to do with the word “handsome,” but he wasn't exactly ugly either. He was hugging a jug of wine, quietly sobbing.
Zhang San was slightly shocked. He didn’t expect to encounter such a coincidence.
Wu Qixue!
...
...
“Welcome, customer!”
The tavern owner was in good spirits. After all, there were seldom traveling merchants passing through during this season, and business was usually slow. Having a customer come in this noontime was already pretty good, and soon after two more showed up.
Even though one was just a kid and the other looked like a scholar, it was still better than no customers at all.
Zhang San knew Wu Qixue would have no chance of recognizing him, so he randomly picked a corner to sit and ordered two cups of tea to drink.
Even small business is business. As the owner served the tea, an amicable smile remained on his face.
Wang Xiaoer took the chance to ask, “Boss, who is that guy? How could he get drunk and cry from drinking? Is your wine that good?”
The owner saw Wang Xiaoer's diminutive size but mature speech, and found it rather amusing.
However, when speaking about that thick-browed, big-eyed customer, he bent over and whispered: “How could wine make someone cry? But honored guests, I don’t think that man is an ordinary person. We should speak quietly, as not to attract trouble.”
Wang Xiaoer immediately whispered back: “Boss, what's the full story? Please tell me. My master is a fiction novel author, who loves to hear all kinds of stories and characters on a normal day. Could that guy be some famous figure?”
The owner chuckled and explained: “As for famous figures, he’s probably one. Just earlier, when he first came in, over forty to fifty men accompanied him. Each carried blades stained with blood. Scared me half to death. Fortunately only this one fellow came inside, and he was also quite polite. He even paid first before having the wine served.”
Wang Xiaoer feigned a shocked expression and exclaimed: “Over forty to fifty bloody men! Looks formidable indeed. Why is he crying then?”
Sitting to the side, Zhang San glanced over at Wang Xiaoer. *This rotten brat's acting skills keep getting more and more polished,* he thought to himself.
The chatty owner continued in a hushed voice: “As for why he's crying, that isn’t something a small business owner like me dares to ask about. But after coming in he started drinking, and just three cups in he was drunk, mumbling some abstruse nonsense that I, having little education, couldn't really understand. Then after a few more drinks, now he's crying.”
Having finished speaking, the owner slowly straightened up again and left.
Looks like there wasn't more to dig out of him.
Zhang San thought to himself that Wu Qixue must have survived the great fire on the mountain. This was also part of Lu Gaosheng's meticulous calculations. The timing he chose was ingenious - after the fire broke out, Wu Qixue and his remaining underlings conveniently woke up in time to escape.
“A person ought to pursue seven areas of learning in life!”
Wu Qixue had stopped crying. But suddenly standing up with wine cup in hand, in his intoxicated state which anyone could tell, it seemed he was no longer clear-headed.
That square face of his swayed unsteadily as he mumbled to himself:
“My teacher was a great Confucian scholar of the age, and he once said, a true Ruist must embody benevolence, righteousness, propriety, wisdom and honesty - lacking any one would be incomplete. Thus, these five qualities should all be learned!”
“When my parents asked Teacher to choose a name for me, he added the characters for ‘loyalty’ and ‘filial piety’ to those five virtues.”
“A man without filial piety cannot be considered human, and one who lacks loyalty cannot serve as a subject.”
“With all seven virtues combined - that is the Seven Areas of Learning!”
“What a great name! Even Qing Mingxian, famed scholar of the younger generation, envied me. Haha...”
The drunk face displayed a proud look.
But then as emotions surged and the effects of alcohol hit, he became even more disoriented.
Sitting back down to his original spot, the upper half of his body sprawled over the table, face plastered against its surface. He mumbled to himself:
“Yet I have failed at cultivating every single one well.”
“It’s been ten years, yet I cannot topple corrupt officials or save starving commoners.”
“If I were truly loyal, I would not have taken such risky measures. What if turmoil really erupted and the northern border armies were defeated? How much would we lose in troops and territory?”
"If I were truly filial, I wouldn’t do things that make my parents worry and dread, especially with dire consequences from the court’s investigation...”
But!
But how else was I to act!?
His voice suddenly turned intense again: “If not this, what else could I do!?”
“The eighty thousand common people in my Zhengwu Prefecture! Each one is like my child. As their magistrate, how can I watch them die!?”
Tears rolled down.
“Yet despite taking things this far, why did it turn out like this!?”
That night, he battled bloody alongside his death-defying followers, staking everything he had – his office, parents, future. Yet in the end it was still utterly defeated.
Of the ninety-five burly warriors, only forty survived.
How could he ever face those warriors’ parents?
And with the grain still lost.
The opponent's schemes were so meticulous. With his unfamiliarity in the vast land of Tian Ruo Prefecture, how could he locate the grain with just forty men?
Hopeless.
In the end, it seemed only the crafty ones emerged victorious, only those in power.
“Great Sage Teacher! Tell me, what use are those teachings of benevolence, righteousness, propriety, wisdom and honesty you imparted? What bloody use!?”
In fact, he also had the chance to become a wolf.
Yet at the crossroads of wolf and lamb, he chose the lamb without hesitation; between egg and stone, he chose the egg. And then... easily smashed at the slightest impact.
After all, when did one hear of lambs mauling wolves to death, or eggs shattering boulders?
Zhang San listened silently until the end, then finished his tea, and slowly left with Wang Xiaoer in tow. But walking past the thoroughly intoxicated Wu Qixue, he overheard the continued soft murmurs:
“What to do? What to do? So many lives lost... What to do? What to do...”
Over and over he repeated himself.
...
...
On the mountain path, master and disciple had gone quite a distance from Tian Ruo City, clearly not intending to return.
But Wang Xiaoer noticed his master was increasingly silent.
In fact, even his pace had slowed. Wang Xiaoer had to match him with tiny shuffling steps just to avoid getting ahead.
Master was hesitating.
Although Zhang San's expression remained inscrutable as an ancient well, Wang Xiaoer had made his judgment.
"Master..."
"Didn't I say to not speak unless it was important?" Zhang San's voice was indifferent.
Wang Xiaoer firmly shook his head, then said, "It's not nonsense, just two sentences."
Zhang San was silent for a while, then stopped walking. "Go ahead," he said.
Wang Xiaoer walked to stand in front of his master, gazing into his eyes, and said:
"My father used to say, a man lives for a hundred years, or even just twenty, so what is there to fear about this whole living and dying business anyway?"
"So Master, if you want to do something, just go ahead and do it."