Do You Think you're Funny

Su He was quite certain that the film crew was playing a prank. He walked back to the center of the room, sat on a chair, and calmly said with his legs crossed, "Director Yu Qing, why are you working so hard in the middle of the night instead of sleeping? It's not like you're filming a reality show."

No one answered. Su He went out into the hallway, but there was no one there.

"Su He...blood...blood!" Fan Xiaotong suddenly exclaimed in alarm.

Su He returned to the room to see Fan Xiaotong staring in horror at the corner, where a red liquid was oozing out.

The room next door!

Su He hurried out and pushed hard on the door to the adjacent room.

The door was unlocked and opened!

The room was pitch black, but he could make out a dark figure that was making growling sounds like a zombie from a movie.

Fan Xiaotong followed him and stood behind Su He, clutching his arm and trembling, "It's her!"

Su He swallowed hard, mustered his courage, and entered to turn on the lights.

"Ah!" A shrill scream exploded in Su He's ears, and Fan Xiaotong fainted.

Inside the room, a woman was sitting on a chair. Her feet were nailed to the floor, and her arms were outstretched, pulled taut by two ropes in an embrace-like pose.

Her eyeballs dangled like pendants from her neck, with blood continuously oozing from her empty sockets.

Her tongue lay in her hand, impaled by a nail through her palm.

The woman was still alive!

Hearing the noise, she turned her head to look over, but she was doomed to never see again.

Fan Xiaotong collapsed at his feet. Su He felt a little weak in the knees as the thick, cloying stench of blood assaulted him. The woman in the room began to struggle violently, causing the chair to scrape against the floor with a grating sound...

Unable to speak, the woman could only make strange, animalistic roars of fury.

"What's going on? Why aren't you sleeping in the middle of the night? Are you all sick or something?" A couple yelled angrily as they poked their heads out.

The woman's curses sounded more like flirtatious banter. At this point, Su He's legs were still trembling - he had seen many disturbing scenes, but the woman's appearance was too horrific.

Then the couple came out, with the man leading the way. He fumed, "You've been making noise all night. Do you want anyone to sleep or not? This is my last warning, or I'll call the police!"

The man approached from behind Su He, who turned sideways to let him pass. "Hey, is the number for 110 still 110?" Su He asked.

"Ah!" The man saw the scene in the room and let out a scream even louder than Fan Xiaotong's.

Fortunately, the man only wet his pants and didn't faint. It was then that Su He remembered Officer Zhou had given him a business card for Hou Guangyi, the chief of the Taipei Criminal Investigation Division.

Su He had learned from experience that when reporting a crime, it was better to call someone you know. That way, you didn't have to go through the interrogation room - after ruling you out as a suspect, the police would let you go.

If you dialed 110 directly, a bunch of unknown officers would show up, and you'd have to follow proper procedure and submit to questioning.

"Hello...Officer Hou, it's Su He. We met earlier today...yes, the pilot Su He...It's Su He, not Shuke...There's been a murder in the Jiufen scenic area of New Taipei City...We need an ambulance...The victim...is still alive...Just hurry up, don't ask any more questions!"

After hanging up, Su He noticed there were a few more people in the hallway. The man from before kept shouting, "Murder! Murder!"

A few daredevils came to take a look, only to either wet themselves or collapse vomiting.

"Nobody is allowed to leave. I've already called the police. If anyone leaves, they'll be the prime suspect. Everyone stay where I can see you..."

Having heard that some deranged killers liked to return to the crime scene to watch the police investigation, Su He took out his phone and recorded everyone there. Then he said, "You two, go wait outside for the police and ambulance..."

Su He randomly pointed at two men, then helped Fan Xiaotong up and leaned her against the wall.

He walked back to the doorway and said to the woman inside, "If you can hear me, nod your head."

The woman nodded.

"Do you know the killer? If you do, nod your head."

The woman shook her head slightly.

"Is the killer a man?"

The woman nodded.

"Was there only one killer?"

The woman nodded.

"Was the killer..."

Before Su He could finish his question, the woman's head drooped down.

She was dead!

A trembling man next to Su He said, "Buddy, she died from you questioning her..."

"Nonsense!" Su He turned and glared at him. The fact that she had lasted this long was already a miracle. If she couldn't even endure those few questions, no ambulance would have been able to save her anyway.

At least Su He had learned some useful information. If the killer was caught, it would serve as a form of vengeance for her.

The man grinned foolishly, "I was just joking...I guess we don't need the ambulance anymore."

"You think you're funny?" Su He was fatigued from the sleepless night and in a foul mood, so he snapped at the man. He then went to Fan Xiaotong and said, "She needs the ambulance too. Help me get her onto it."

The motel owner had been terrified into a stupor, crumpled on the floor and unable to speak.

Next, Su He called Director Yu Qing to explain the situation.

Soon after, more than a dozen officers rushed in. The lead officer shouted, "Who's Su He?"

Su He raised his hand.

The officers approached and set up a perimeter, and the lead officer said, "Everyone come with us back to the station. Hand over your communication devices from now on. No private communication or whispering..."

He looked at Su He last and said, "Captain Hou wants you to wait here for him."

About ten minutes later, Hou Guangyi finally arrived, followed by a few plainclothes officers.

"Su He, come with me."

Hou Guangyi glanced at the crime scene and immediately turned to leave.

"Officer Hou, wait for me to put my shoes on!"

...

At around 4 AM, Officer Hou took Su He to a cafe.

They were the only two people inside, with not even a staff member present.

"This cafe belongs to my wife..." Officer Hou poured Su He a cup of coffee and stared at him intently. "Captain Zhou told me about you. He said we'd meet again...I didn't expect it to be this soon. Here, try my handiwork..."

Su He took a sip - it had a bitter taste. He wasn't much of a coffee drinker.

"I don't really like coffee either...But criminal investigators often have to work late nights, so my wife opened this cafe..."

Su He smiled but didn't respond.

"Zhou said if there's a tough case, I could seek your help...I don't think either of us will be able to sleep tonight, so why don't we chat for a bit..."

Officer Hou took out a few photos from his bag and placed them in front of Su He, pointing at one. "Does this look familiar?"

Su He was taken aback - the scene in the photo was identical to how that woman at the motel had died!